The only problem is, sometimes they're pretty fun, but did you ever notice how they always seem like a complicated bitch to work into an IC post that would end up as clutter, no matter how amusing?
Well, here's the solution. An OOC thread, for those IC conversations that just don't quite make it!
Be it long, or short, just post it on up here.
To get the ball rolling, here's Sarin and Seles on a short walk through Storm Flash City.
Seles: When I was born, my father's throat was slit and I was bathed in his blood...You wouldn't know of any demon-cults that would have anything to do with that, would you?
Sarin: No, but I do happen to know a demon that would have something to do with that.
Seles: Cool. I want to build an alter for it.
Sarin: I think that's called a mirror.
Seles: So..Like...I'm a bona fied demon? Hell yes! Now I need people to worship me..
Sarin: I think you'd actually work them to death before they could do any meaningful worshipping. Or flay 'em. Or castrate them.
Seles: The working to death part IS meaningful, silly.
Sarin: Plus, an afterlife in servitude to YOU sounds pretty damn terrible, to be honest.
Seles: I'll be the patron saint of lesbians with an afterlife like that.
Sarin: I thought you were a demon. So are you a lesbian demonic patron saint/psychotic bitch now?
Seles: Patron...Demon? Arch Demon? It doesn't matter. I get to die knowing I've had more love from women then you've even dreamed of.
Sarin: More like Overlord Bitch-Demon. Also, it's quality, not quantity.
Seles: I don't think your father, or my soon-to-be followers would approve of you speaking to me like that. And it's both when you're multi-orgasmic, and so is your partner.
Sarin: I don't think my spear really likes you. Just saying.
Seles: But your balls love me so much they want me to remove them...
Sarin: They'd love to be in one of your purses. Just not by removing themselves.
Seles: . . . You really are a virgin, huh? Your balls don't go in, idiot.
Sarin: Excuse me for having no idea.
Seles: D'awwhhh. It's cute, like kicking a puppy is cute.
Sarin: Or like shocking a psychotic bitch. With lethal amounts of lightning. Very adorable, you know.
Seles: I think I'm going to seduce your father, get him to marry me, just to punish you as your mother.
Sarin: You'll actually piss him off even more. Try not to bring up my mother around him. That's not a discussion you want to go through.
Seles: So many rules you make for talking with your father, geez..No killing, mortally wounding, maiming, sexually assaulting by shoving my sword up his pompous ass..
Sarin: He's fifty. And a very skilled swordsman. And a well-known person. I'd think it's safer to not assault him.
Seles: So was my mother. And I killed her...
Sarin: Yeah, but your mother didn't have a son that would kick your ass.
Seles: Right! Thanks for the tip, kill YOU first.
Sarin: Good luck with that.
Seles: ...I know where, and when you sleep.
Sarin: And I happen to stay up every now and then.
Seles: I also have a famous assassin under contract to basically obey my every whim...
Sarin: That doesn't really matter to me. If Bianca tried to kill me, I'd retaliate with full force.
Seles: ...She's a bit of an idiot anyway, probably just fuck it up. If you want something done, gotta do it yourself.
Sarin: I agree. That's why I haven't hired anyone to kill you.
Seles: I'd just pay them triple and send them back with orders to kill you.
Sarin: Then I'd kill them for trying to kill me. Besides, what sort of idiot pays the assassin the full amount before the contract is done?
Seles: Rich, amoral, and pissed off women.
Sarin: Well, I'd at least have enough cash to buy myself some entertainment.
Seles: You know, I worked as a 'dancer' once...
Sarin: I assume that ended with you kiling someone, or several people, and possibly some castration?
Seles: No, no. It was the only ladies-only bar in Solia. Most of the dancers were guys, but they had just enough call for a female dancer.
Sarin: Well, that's a shocking turn of events.
Seles: I kinda wish I still had the outfit....Sarin, go shopping for me.
Sarin: Hell no. You're the one with the money, so why should I pay for your clothes?
Seles: Because if you replay my statement in your head...I really didn't ask you.
Sarin: And I might not ask you if I feel like stabbing you with my spear.
Seles: You're always referencing your big, hard, long spear. Are you perhaps compinsating for something?
Sarin: It is big hard and long. And it's something of a metaphor, really.
Seles: I have a feeling it's to detract attention from what's not between your legs. Now...Go shopping.
Sarin: Expect all of the stores to burn down. Just saying. And maybe all of your money might just disappear.
Seles: I wouldn't give you any money first, sheesh you aren't an Assassin. I'd repay you though, well..For the clothes I liked, anyway.
Sarin: Why didn't I just leave you in Vinera?
Seles: One word. Tits.
Sarin: If that was the case, I'd be at a brothel now.
Seles: That sounds like a great idea! I'll hang out at a brothel, while you go shopping for me.
Sarin: You know, I get the slightest feeling that the Hounds might be alerted that there's a mass murderer and terrorist in a brothel nearby.
Seles: You'd have to show your face. C'mon, Sarin...You know the country, the fashions, I don't.
Sarin: Unlike some people, I'm not wanted.
Seles: You're not afraid of women, are you? Like, are you just dodging this because seeing some panties on display would give you a heart attack? Or a panic attack?
Sarin: If I was afraid of women, I'd be running away from you, screaming.
Seles: You already did that once..Perhaps just afraid of your sexuality?
Sarin: I was leading you and the others from the guards, and there was no screaming. And no, I'm not.
Seles: Then go fucking shopping for me. Isn't that a guy thing? Aren't you supposed to hate shopping, but love picking out slutty clothes for attractive women?
Sarin: Can I go fucking first? And that's a dirty stereotype.
Seles: Which I don't see you denying.
Sarin: Touche. But you still haven't answered the question.
Seles: Go for it, after you shop for me. I'll even pay for the whores.
Sarin: But that would mean shopping for you. I'll pass.
Seles: I just want to hear about how awkward you are looking for a thong for me. Especially because at least one or two from our group would see you bringing the clothing to me.
Sarin: You're lucky I'm not Sir Punch-a-lot, 'cause you'd be missing a lot of teeth right now.
Seles: Well, if you won't let me actually castrait you, it's the next best thing.
Sarin: What guy in his right mind would let you near his balls?
Seles: I got stopped constantly in Solia by men. It wasn't until I started killing them that most got the message..
Sarin: They're Solian men. They're not exactly the brightest.
Seles: Hey, Sarin. I'm horny. Want a blow job?
Sarin: If by blow job, you mean "bite my dick off," then no.
Seles: Well look at that, you have some common sense.
Sarin: You're just very predictable.
Seles: You know, those guys in Solia? I may have killed them, but I never tried to remove their genitals in any way. It's arguable that they managed me better than you do.
Sarin: I really shouldn't have let you ride on the damn parrot with me.
Seles: You probbaly turned around and fondled me while I slept.
Sarin: And I would have probably fallen off the damn bird if I tried. How many times do we have to go through this same discussion?
Seles: I tried pushing you off that bird at least six times. It's not THAT goddamn easy to fall off of..You're living is proof.
Sarin: I counted fifteen times. And it's only 'cause I was trying to not fall off.
Seles: Wow, fifteen, huh? You really AREN'T memorable.
Sarin: That included the times that you tried shoving me off in your sleep.
Seles: Get used to women falling asleep around you.
Sarin: I'm just that amazing, I guess.
Seles: Hey, look. A clothing store. Your ass should be in it.
Sarin: Buy your own goddamn panties.
Seles: I need other stuff too. Sheesh. I already told you I don't know what's considered fashionable/slutty in this country.
Sarin: And what's gonna stop me from buying something utterly ridiculous for you?
Seles: One, I wouldn't reemburce you, and two, I'd cut your dick off?
Sarin: But you wouldn't know the difference. Besides, I don't know anything about women's fashion here.
Seles: But you're a male. You know what would attract other males, because it would attract you.
Sarin: The only time I ever bought a woman clothing was when I was in Aerisen. Big difference. Plus, I'm not exactly sure what other guys would like.
Seles: It's not that hard...Anyway. You look at the clothes, you picture me in them, and if your dick jumps, you got it.
Sarin: I could just buy you underwear. I assume that most guys wouldn't mind that.
Seles: Hmm...Buy me an extra pair of panties or two...
Sarin: I don't feel like it. Get someone else to do it; I'm heading to a tavern.
Seles: Fine, fine! But first, one question.
Sarin: Hopefully it doesn't involve my dick in any way.
Seles: Only indirectly. What size underwear do you wear?
Sarin: Depends which measurement we're going by.
Seles: I don't care, I just need a vague idea.
Sarin: Larger than you might think. Say, for a lesbian, you have a rather large obsession with dicks.
Seles: Only removing them..I guess I'll just wing it on your size..Can't be too hard..
Sarin: Why the hell would you go and buy underwear for me?
Seles: Because, I can't wait to see you in a thong, Sarina.
Sarin: You're a real bitch, you know that?
Seles: Proud of it~
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october 21 2011 ohio ohio john beck john beck mariska hargitay zanesville ohio
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